And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
