I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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