so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
