I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
