they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
