WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
