i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
