Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
