I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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