I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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