so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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