i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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