I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
