I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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