I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
