just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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