I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
