it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
