Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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