been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
