I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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