There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
