We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
