he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
