I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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