I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
