Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
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I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
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Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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