We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
