I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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