I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
