I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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