it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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