How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
