i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
