Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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