Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
