Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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