Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize