Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
