I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
