I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
