It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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