Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
