just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
