i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
