do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
