Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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