I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
