My hand turned me down
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
