thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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