i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
