i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
