I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
