EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
