is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
